For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men

Insightful, helpful, shocking. I believe this book is a must read for every woman in a committed relationship with a man IF she truly cares about his personal well-being and truly wants a deeper, more meaningful relationship with him. I have been married 20 years and was recommended this book by a close friend. I secretly ordered it (I didn't tell or share anything about with with my hubs) and began reading it with her and began weekly discussion about how it was helping us understand our husbands in ways that shocked, but thoroughly educated us. It is hard to tell everyone what I learned from this book, there was just too much. I worked hard to be open-hearted to the material and asked prayed to have the wisdom to apply it to my relationship with my husband. He began responding very positively to me immediately and could tell a difference in the level of respect I was showing him. I was finally showing him respect in the way that means respect to him, not how I was showing "respect" as I understood it, which was not really respect at all. My changes opened up healthy communication between us as I began to earn his trust. I can see that my husband feels safer talking to me and our unity has moved to a whole new level. I finally shared what I was reading and he was very pleased. My changes caused him to get the For Men Only audios (he prefers listening) without any promoting or prompting from me. I was very shocked and very pleased. We don't use the materials to be manipulative or hurtful, but we are giving each other time and space to grow. He even purchased and sent copies of the book to our daughter and her husband because he believes so much in these books! I asked our young married son to skim through For Women Only to ask if he thought it was valid and he said YES! almost with a shout, especially the chapter on respect. So I'm already conducting my own research with the men in my family, just to ask questions and learn at a deeper level, what it is that they truly need from us, the women they love so dearly. As Shaunti says, not every single thing will apply to your man, and I knew that for sure. But when you start to make little changes with thought and prayer, it will help your man to trust and appreciate you more. A million thanks, Shaunti and Jeff. Keep sharing and helping the millions of married, clueless men and women out there find help, hope and understanding.

When I got married I wanted so much to be a godly and great wife to my hubby! What I didn't realize was that sometimes my female brain with its ways of thinking and showing my love to him and his male brain and the way it is wired meant that sometimes there were things that I was doing, or not doing, that were causing problems I didn't even realize were there! Thankfully through several different women and blogs I caught on early on into our marriage (probably 2 1/2 years) through books that there were several areas that needed work! I am so thankful that I was able to be enlightened to these things early on--and wish I had known sooner!!!! So now for every bridal shower that I attend my gift is three books: For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn; A Good Girls Guide to Great Sex by Shelia Wray Gregoire; and Created to Be His Helpmeet. I include a letter with the books explaining why and how each has shaped and changed my marriage for the better. I first read For Women Only a few years after it was released in . A friend had actually given my Mom a copy and I read through it during one of my trips back home as we were talking about marriage and marriage books. There were so many "lightbulb" moments I had from it! I went back home (I was on the trip home by myself) and after a few days my hubby remarked "I guess I should send you back home alone more often, you always come back more awesome than ever--what on earth is going on??!!" (it happens that a previous trip back home was when I was first introduced to Created To Be His Helpmeet as well--both me and my hubby are super thankful to the ladies back home, haha). So when I saw that For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men was coming out I couldn't wait to get a copy of it! As I re-read it I was struck again by many of the things that made me have "lightbulbs" the first time, and had other things make me go, "Oh!" that didn't the first time-as with every marriage your husbands needs and your situation in life are constantly changing. I loved the all-new chapter "The Thinker" One thing that has always baffled me to no end--and frustrated my husband to no end--is when we get into an in-depth discussion, especially when we have a difference of opinion, and I thoroughly and (in my mind) efficiently put forth my case and he just sits there and says nothing and when I really press him he says something along the lines of "I can't explain it right now but that's not want I think should/want to happen." This chapter made several light bulbs go off as to this whole dynamic and why it does *not* work--and what I can begin to do instead! One chapter that really made a huge difference the first time I read this book was the one on the importance of staying fit/taking care of the way you look. After we first got married I (unknowingly) put on about 30 pounds (if you've followed my slim and trim quest you already know about this). I read this book right around the time that I had realized that I had gone up so much in weight and it really smacked me at how unhappy Bob probably was about it but, like all good hubbies, he had never said a word! Sure enough now that I'm actively working out and trying my best to take care of the way I look, even post-two kids, he's (very gingerly, when I brought it up) mentioned how hard that was on him! This book really is everything your husband wishes you knew about him--but would die before telling you himself, or simply doesn't "get" that you don't "get"! As I said--this is one of only three books I'd call absolutely MUST HAVE marriage books! It's a short, easy read but wow, what an amazing little book it is!

This is one of my favorite relationship books and I recommend it to every couple. I am the wife and read this to try to understand my husband a little better. Although I recommend having your husband read it to explain what is applicable to him and what isn't. Just as I had read the Only for Men to see if it was applicable to me. I will say that I learned more about myself than I thought I would from Only for Men. I realized what I was feeling and finally how to convey my feelings thanks to this book. I gave it to my husband to read, telling him if he really wanted to understand me, that book explained it. Since he has read Only for Men, he really has been applying it and we have greatly improved our communication. Many a dumb argument has been extinguished at the start and I feel the care. With the knowledge of both books in my arsenal, I am able to convey my feelings better and understand why I react to some things, myself, as well as find understanding as to why my husband might be feeling or reacting the way he does, based off of Only for Women. I also really appreciate how this book offers statistics and common answers among common people in order to find out why the majority of people feel and react the way they do, rather than a therapist offering their opinions. I don't think I've gotten such accurate answers before. I will say that I preferred reading Only for Men, as Only for Women was kind of dull and emotional. Maybe I have more of a man's brain lol I needed the humor and encouragement within Only for Men from the author to help me keep reading. Even if it isn't 100 percent applicable to you and your relationship, it is still a great read with valuable tools that could even help with any relationship between men and women. Understanding the base of a man's mind and the possible likely reasons behind his actions is such a good feeling. I apply it to my father and brothers, even, since they too, are men. I would also love to take a look at the other Only For books to gain some more insight to other relationships.

I feel like I have a new understanding of my husband! I feel like this book has helped me tremendously in my marraige on areas where neither him or I could understand one another! Thank you so much!

I am in my 30s, been married for 4 years, and am a full-time working mom. My marriage has been in distress, and my husband refused to go to counseling. I purchased this book in hopes of finding some guidance. The book is a very quick read. I was surprised at how small the book actually is; however the book is loaded with information. I liked that it was written from the women's perspective and that the author provided stories about her struggles with her husband. The information was very relatable, and I definitely had a couple of "ah-ha!" moments. There were passages that seemed to describe my husband perfectly. I am not very religious; however I was not turned off by the biblical references. My question is, now what??! I am not sure how to implement changes to improve my marriage. The book explains that a husband absolutely needs to be respected and affirmed. There was a little guidance, but I need help with how to really implement changes. The lack of practical tips left me disappointed, but overall I thought the message of the book was very helpful. The survey results are undeniable and help me understand the importance of respect in a marriage. My husband and I are stuck in a cycle of lack of respect on my part and lack of love on his part. I am very hurt and angry, but I want to better my marriage. I am going to try the following actions for the next 30 days to see if there is an improvement. I have not talked to my husband about this book yet, I am going to wait to see if I get results. My 30-day action plan: 1) Always accept his opinion and judgement on a matter and only offer my opinion if asked 2) Initiate casual physical connections at least once a day (ie: rubbing shoulders, sitting next to on couch, etc.) 3) Initiate sex at least once a week I will give an update regarding the results. I am unsure about item #1 above. I consider myself a modern feminist; however I know that my husband thinks that I am critical and demanding. I am hopeful that by acting more respectful that he will in turn actively seek out my opinion so we have an equal relationship. I certainly don't have anything to lose at this point. I already thank him on a regular basis for important little things that he does to help with our child and around the house. I also tell him that I love him and always ask him about his day. (Wish he would do the same for me!) Any other tips would be appreciated! UPDATE 05/08/2013: We are definitely in a much better place in our relationship now compared to 30 days ago. I did not follow my plan exactly as I had intended, but I did make a lot of changes. I also learned a lot about how I treat my husband and how I need to continue to change. Comments about my specific action plan steps: 1) I often forgot that my plan was to always accept his opinion. I need to work on this area. I have found that if I carefully listen to what he has to say, acknowledge what he has said, and then offer my two-cents - he is much more open to my opinion. Or if I wait awhile and then later offer my opinion, that works too. My DH just really wants to feel that he is heard and that his opinion is respected. 2) I often forgot to initiate casual physical connections until the very end of the day. I admit that it felt like a chore on my "to-do" list which is really horrible. It made me realize how much our relationship has changed from our early courtship to now being parents of a toddler. I am working on being more casually physical, and my DH seems to really appreciate it. He has been reciprocating quite a bit. 3) I only did this once the whole month. Epic fail on my part. I am committing to implementing this step during the next 30 days. Although I was not successful at carrying out each action step - it did open my eyes in a big way. I realize that I can make a lot of positive changes in our relationship. I also realized that I critique my husband A LOT about things around the house that need to be done or should have been done differently. He NEVER critiques me. Literally, never. I would hate to be treated the way I treat him. So I am definitely working on making changes in that area too. If I continue to be aware of my actions, I am confident that things will continue to improve. I plan on talking to my DH at some point about the book, but I am waiting until we are on more solid ground.

For Women Only By Shaunti Feldhahn Reviewed by Ed Vasicek So what is a (somewhat normal) man doing reading a book titled, "For Women Only"? As a pastor, I do plenty of marriage counseling and plenty of teaching about marriage and family. I am always on the lookout for useful material, and, when someone loaned me this book, I found it to be a practical resource. It limits itself to helping women understand their husbands. It does not focus on the nature of women (see "For Men Only"). Although "For Women Only" does not address EVERY issue of marriage, it is faithful to its subtitle, "what you need to know about the inner lives of men." As Beth Moore summarizes, "What an important book!" Women are often incredulous about how men are. Some wives go to the grave, living in denial when it comes to the male nature. Or they think they married defective husbands when their husbands are quite normal. They believe the way other men present themselves in public is the way they are at home. Funny, ain't it? Or, worse yet, they think that their husband isn't like other men -- or they try to redefine their man as they want him to be. But, unless he is really out of the mainstream, he is very likely much like the guys in this book (okay, we vary to some degree). As a man, I am saying this book is right on. So believe this book, even if it seems counter-intuitive. What is particularly good about this book is that it is concise (189 small-sized pages with filler graphics and quotations-the equivalent of less than 100 pages), easy to understand, and addresses the basics of the male mentality. Although an easy read, it hits the mark. As a man and an experienced people-helper, I endorse this book as true to reality. The first chapter is particularly noteworthy: "Lightbulb On! How I Woke Up to What I Didn't Know About Men." In my experience, most women have a confidence that they understand their husbands, but they really do not (and vice versa). It is one thing to be aware that one does not know; it is worse to think you know when you do not. The author addresses male perspectives about job performance, family, respect, sex, and his innermost struggles. Ladies, you may not see it their way, but this is the way they see it. A group of married ladies could easily do a study using this material (a guide is available), and I would suggest it as a great gift for married daughters and friends. A simple book like this, if noted and remembered, could improve many marriages.

There are plenty of people who instantly freak at anything Christian - and frankly, I don't blame them a bit, given the misrepresentation and misunderstanding that is common in our communities. If you're not a Christian: You might get 2 things out of this book. The first, if you're open to it, is a research-based perspective of how men *tend* to view the world differently than women *tend* to view the world. The author presents numbers that frequently make it clear that the minority perspectives aren't all that rare (being in the 25% of men that think differently doesn't exactly make someone unusual!). So we're not talking about hard-and-fast rules about ALL men or ALL women. But, taking it as a starting point for a conversation could really be helpful regardless of your faith SO LONG AS you don't completely reject the author's gentle application of a Christian perspective of the results. For example, if you're going to stop reading at "God designed men to [insert result of research]," then this book has nothing to offer you. The second thing, I like to think is maybe in the course of reading those Christian views is to gain a little bit of insight into what many Christians think about men and women and marriage. I don't care if this ever makes you want to step foot in a church, I really don't. But I think there's some value in understanding how folks think and approach different topics, and frankly, I don't think many people realize what a Christian view of complementary gender roles is all about. (Hint: it's not about preventing women from being powerful or chastising men's tears). This book won't give you an A to Z introduction, but it could help you get a taste in a non-preachy format. If you're a Christian (OR a conservative Jew or Muslim who also believes in God-honoring partnerships between complementary genders): This book offers a LOT. It's not everything...I definitely wanted about 300 more pages. But it's a great start, and a great opportunity to talk with a spouse or someone you're considering a partnership with about what does and does no apply to him. One surprising result was that I found a particular section explained how I as a WOMAN feel about a particular topic, but could never put into words effectively. It's such a valuable tool in starting to create your own "user manual" for showing your man love and communicating effectively with him - I would recommend this book to everyone.

A great invite to how to better understand men in your life. Easy to read and understand. Reccomended by couple's therapy counselors.

Habe das Buch mit meiner Verlobten zusammen gelesen. Wir haben also jeweils das Buch für den anderen Partner zuerst gelesen, markiert was besonders auf uns zutrifft und dann die Bücher ausgetauscht. Man lernt wirklich viel, auch wenn man denkt, dass man das meiste schon weiß. Wem das Buch zu einseitig ist, sollte einfach das Buch für den Partner ebenfalls lesen, dort wird dann die andere Seite dargestellt ;) Ist auch auf Englisch sehr gut zu verstehen.

Well I can honestly admit that I was flabbergasted by most of this, and that is in the best possible way. We really do not know men or their inner thought processes at all. I loved this book and I only wish I had read it years ago!

Este livro é necessário para qualquer mulher querendo viver bem com seu parceiro, que queira se esforçar para entendê-lo. E é melhor se for lido em conjunto com o para os homens. Indico a leitura a dois, dos dois livros. Recomendo!

So many insights I didn't have were uncovered here and I really loved it and definitely will implement it in my life

An eyeopener....if you want to know what is that thing which is going wrong in your relationship....ladies just read this.......