The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap

I highly recommend this book especially to anyone who has experienced childhood attachment trauma and/or narcissistic abuse and/or toxic relationships, and I also highly recommend it to those who have not experienced these things so you can understand the dynamics and how and why they exists, order to recognize it to protect yourself.Ross Rosenberg is a licensed therapist who is an expert on these topics (and many others). In this book, he explains the origins of both Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Codependency or Self Love Deficit Disorder (as he has renamed the term). With his "Human Magnet Syndrome" theory, he explains how and why we attract and are attracted to, our romantic partners. He explains in a way that is easy to understand, why codependents attract narcissists and why narcissists attract codependents.Consciously, we may know what we are attracted to in a mate, but buried deep in our subconscious, is an invisible force (that we are not even aware of) that was programmed into us as young children when we experienced childhood trauma, which pulls us toward/attracts us to a person with traits that complement our traits. We were conditioned as young children to be attracted to some people and not others. Subconsciously, we are recreating our childhood trauma in an attempt to heal it, and we are not even aware that is what we are doing.All we know is there is intense, irresistible chemistry. Someone who is high on the narcissistic scale will strongly attract someone who is high on the codependent scale and someone who is high on the codependent scale will strongly attract someone who is high on the narcissistic scale. This is why we have explosive fire work chemistry with some people and not others. Narcissists will not attract narcissists and codependents will not attractcodependents - they actually repel each other, which is why there is no chemistry.If you are on a healing journey and you are trying to recover from a toxic relationship, I not only highly recommend this book, but I also highly recommend you read any articles and books written by Ross Rosenberg that you can get your hands on, watch all his YouTube videos and go to any retreats he offers. This man is the REAL DEAL! He gets it! This is time and money well spent!

This book changed my life almost overnight. I've read many books to overcome trauma and learn healthier patterns within relationships, but this one has made the biggest impact on me and others I have shared it with. As I started reading through the chapters, I was able to identify generational patterns and finally make the connections that describe WHY certain behavior patterns occurred, and WHAT was needed to overcome them. If you take time to really work through this book on an intentional basis while making daily efforts to address your behavior patterns, you will experience a new level of emotional well-being you never thought possible. Highly recommend this amazing book!

I've studied about NPD and how it affects relationships and children of NPD's for many years, not all scapegoated children grow up to develop NPD. The golden child is as much at risk of developing NPD or any child for that matter, that comes from a dysfunctional home. NPD can develop in any child depending on many variables and is not so black and white. For the scapegoats who are codependents and are reading this book, seeking help and freedom from gaslighting, please don't internalize and further turn on yourself. You are ok.

This has been some hefty reading, but so worth it for me. I’m glad I stayed with it. At times, I felt like I was slogging through a textbook, but then I realized that - of course! - for this material to be really valuable, it would need to be very complete and comprehensive. The author has done a professional job of presenting well researched information. I most certainly benefitted. In my case, I see several trauma-causing patterns (from my childhood) described and explained in ways I had never understood before. It made me realize that those patterns impacted me in ways that were not even in my conscious awareness, in many cases. Furthermore, the path forward, for how to work on overcoming the negative or trauma patterns that affected me, is carefully and completely outlined. I am so appreciative. Go into this book knowing that it is no quick or light read. I had to slow myself down, highlight many places, go back, read again, and all that, and I am so very glad I did, because this will continue to be a valuable resource for me. Thank you so much for all your hard work in producing such a useful book.

This was really a life-changing book that helped to consolidate many of the discoveries I’d made before reading it. For those who struggle with co-dependency it helps immensely to understand how and why we’ve ended up in relationships with narcissists. Everything changes once you understand this dialectic. Thank you to the author for sharing his insight and wisdom!

I thought this book was a bit informative but it seemed like the information was repeated several times throughout the book and while there was some useful information, it was very technical and not so much helpful, really.

We live in a polarized world, everything is positive and negavite--the trick is to stay in the middle(don't get me started about the polical scene). This book explains how we can be out of balance--too giving--too selfish--which means we will attract someone in our life to balance us out. Trouble is, we only see them as either--someone to take advantage of--or someone who takes advantage of us.It's too bad there aren't therapists out there who can lay it out in such a simple way as this author has--the world wants us to be in balance, if we are out of balance, we will attract a person who will be the opposite.The more out of balance we are, the stronger the attraction to someone who is our opposite. Yikes. So, if you're the sort of person who can't say no, you'll attract someone who will take advantage of you until you learn. If you don't claim responsibility for your part in the balancing act, and you dump them, you'll find their evil twin who will up the ante on getting you to learn to say no.No blame in the game of life. We all get what we need according to our 'charge'.

This book and information was the start of a new and fulfilling life! If I knew then what I know now…. Fill in the blank. It was me that had to change and I thank God everyday for this start of my life of learning how to love myself. Thank you Ross for your life long work I will always remember what you did for me. ❤️

A superb rendition of complex issues broken down scientifically to help people heal. For all those out there suffering silently in pain carried for their entire life, this book is at least half the cure. On your journey to recovery of being an independent self-love abundant person, and freedom from the servitude that has bound you, this book is the starting point as well as an able companion for this exhilarating journey towards freedom, love, abundance and a life well lived.

The book helped me understand a lot about myself, my dark thoughts around inadequacy, loneliness and attachments to the wrong sort of people, and how this was intrinsically tied to some of the very difficult truths of my childhood upbringing. I am hoping reading this book is the first concrete step in my healing journey. Thank you Ross for your gift to us who could never quite figure out what went wrong in our childhoods in our families of origin.

Good insights on the association between being raised by a narcissist parent and being attracted to narcissist partners later in life. It is unfortunate, but does happen. If your self-love was severely damaged by a narcissistic caretaker, you are more than likely to fall to the false promises of love from other narcs. And you will make the same mistake again and again. To the point that if a mentally healthy beauty tries to reach you, you are likely to discard him/her in no time. You need the thrill and drama that only a malignant narcissist can give. And you are an addicted co-dependent! You are attracted to narcissists as strongly as they are attracted to someone raised for tolerating their emotional vampirism.The book does a good job explaining this sinister magnetism. But as far as providing a solution, it repeats the "establish no-contact" mantra you heard before. Go no contact, start over, and hope never to fall for the trap again. Sounds straightforward, but it isn't. Although no-contact has its place, it is not a silver bullet, and should't be applied to family members or commited relationships.Is narcissism reason enough to dich a spouse, a parent or a child? If your answer is yes, then go no-contat. If not, I recommend "The First Will Be Last" by DC Robertsson.

Schade, dass es dieses Buch noch nicht auf Deutsch gibt. Es könnte so vielen Menschen helfen, die sich in einer narzisstisch/koabhängigen Beziehung befinden. Ich selbst wusste lange nicht, was Koabhängigkeit bedeutet. Spätestens nach dem Lesen dieses Buches weiß man es und fragt sich, ob man selbst koabhängiges Verhalten zeigt. Dieses Buch beschreibt nicht nur extrem gut, warum man sich als Koabhängiger (Ross Rosenberg hat den viel treffenderen Begriff SLDD kreiert ( self love deficit disorder, also Menschen mit einem Mangel an Selbstliebe) oft einen Narzissten, Soziopathen oder Psychopathen als Partner sucht, sondern beschreibt auch, wie wir als Kinder konditioniert werden, wenn wir mit persönlichkeitsgestörten Eltern aufwachsen. Es ist ein sehr interessantes Buch, wenn man sich und anderen die Augen öffnen möchte und bietet sehr viele Aha-Momente. Nach dem Lesen dieses Buches werden Sie anders auf die Beziehungen in Ihrem Umfeld oder auf Ihre eigene schauen. Sehr empfehlenswert.

I recommend this book to anyone who is passionate about relationship dynamics for their own life fulfilment. But I also recommend it for anyone who just wants an extremely analytical breakdown of how attraction and chemistry works romance and sex.